Well, here we go again. Another blog post in which I am probably gonna piss a few people off. Sigh.
I go to a church that prides itself on "relational evangelism". This is all well and good except for the tiny little detail that you can't put God in a box like that. Sure God works through other people. Sure the Bible is loaded with references to community and love of believers for each other. But that's not, as Paul Harvey would say, the rest of the story. You see, God also can and does work through solitude and isolation. He can work by making absolutely certain that you know that it is, indeed, Himself and not simply good group psychology in action.
Yeah, I know that personal experience can be a very poor measure of objective reality, but for what it's worth, here's what happened with me. I was reliant on the opinions of others to a fault. When I became a Christian, I simply did what I had always done in a new context. I had other believers on the pedestal of thinking that they had a personal pipeline to God that I didn't have. I had never trusted my own thoughts because I had been carefully trained not to in my youth. Why would I trust my own perception of God speaking to me all of a sudden??? Why indeed???
In a nutshell, God separated me from others so that I could begin to hear HIS voice and straighten out the confusion. I might also add that I had gone through my life craving an unconditional love and acceptance that I never received. Consequently, I would behave very badly and expect others to continue to love me through it because, well, you know, I'd had such a sucky life (Cue up the violins now. Please) It didn't quite work out that way, and I learned a very slow, very painful lesson that unlike God, people have limits. Well, actually God has limits too, It's just that God always welcomes you back after repentance. Mere humans don't always do that. That's simply the way the world works. And part of growing up is realizing that, instead of expecting people to just be bottomless fonts of unconditional positive regard no matter what one does to offend others.
Shall we fast forward now to my being part of this relationship oriented church??? I've heard repeatedly how we ONLY grow and change in relationship to others and I am gonna go out on a limb and say that isn't so. It is no more true really than the "just Jesus and me" camp that this viewpoint is formulated in reaction to. Again, speaking from the limited vantage point of personal experience, I grew a tremendous amount on my own and learned to recognize the voice of God (as opposed to intuitively tapping into "groupthink") I hit a wall though, and began to realize that people do not live alone in isolation. I began to realize that there is some truth to what I hear from the pulpit regularly about one's mind going to strange places when it is unchecked by input from others. This is all true as well.
But see, like in so many other things in life there is a balance there. There is a thin line between not rejecting the need for fellowship with others and making an idol of it. Yes, we are relational beings that are designed to live in community, but that doesn't mean that God can't and won't work in the exact opposite fashion to bring about His purposes. We put God in that box and make an idol of fellowship with other believers all too often in our quest to "get people connected". Far too often new Christians are actually being trained to rely on the opinions of other Christians instead of going directly to God. I am very grateful now that so much confusion entered my life so early on in my Christian walk that I really had no other choice but to look directly to God if I wanted to remain sane. No doubt there's debate about whether I've actually succeeded on the staying sane bit.
I'm not trying to revert back to some of the churches I've frequented in my past where those that desired a more intimate forum in which to form friendships were told that they were "weak", but if we really truly believe that there is an omnipotent God and that Christianity is more than just successful group dynamics, then this relational idolatry thing is something to look at. It is very easy to look from the outside in and say that well, yes, of course, Person X; his/her life improved because of sound psychological principles, but not because of anything supernatural. Whose life doesn't improve when one has reasonably sane friends at long last??? A stable environment and some good advice helps a great deal too, even without a divine being in the picture. Any religious group (or even some that are not) will fill that particular need, though. If Jesus truly is "the way, the truth and the light", as we claim that He is, then we need a bigger view of God than the one in which He is simply the orchestrator of Good Relationships.
At the risk of sounding circular, I'll say it again: a good place to start is acknowledging that connecting us to others is only one way in which God works. And that our need for other people is only a stepping stone to a deeper hunger for God. No human being, however wise, however wonderful, will ever satisfy in the way that only God himself only can. We need to be very clear about that.
And for the inevitable disclaimer: I really do love my church and the teaching is sound. This has just been an endless source of frustation for me over the years because it really doesn't match with my reality. Nothing is perfect, including what is basically a very functional, very biblically sound church.
balance, balance, balance. granted, balance is contrary to human nature... but in the church and given the need to crucify our 'flesh' don't you think more people would seek balance as a means of drawing closer to a perfect God?
ReplyDeletei totally get this and deal with something similar in my church. yes, the teaching is sound. yes we love them. doesn't mean we don't occasionally fight the desire to hit them with a clue-by-four.
That's exactly what's lacking Marisa. Balance. I spent a few years going to various Calvary Chapels. For the most part, CC is notorious for thinking that all the relationship building stuff that goes on in a lot of other churches is pop psychology and not biblical. They react in the other direction. There are a lot of people in Calvary chapels that have no concept of accountability and do not realize that bringing their sins into the light by confessing them is very powerful. People struggle alone and put on a front believing themselves to be doing the biblical thing.
ReplyDeleteBut on the other hand, exactly as I said above, there is some truth to the pop psychology claim when the role of God almost gets usurped by the supposed power of the small group to change lives. God CAN work through others but that's not always his MO.
Can't put God in a box. He's waaaay bigger than that.
The closest thing you will find to a perfect relationship is the one between you and God. Why? because at least on of you is perfect ; ] All other relationships involve humans and the more humans involved, the more imperfect the relationship. All you have to do is eliminate all of the things that get in the way of your direct relationship with God, simple right ; ]?
ReplyDeleteAlot of the Protestant reformation/Martin Luther et al was about getting the 'church' out of the way between people and God...... not to be overly cynical but ask yourself why a church would want to insert itself between you and your God and 'follow the money' as they say.
OK well I can see where you're coming from Liz. The whole balance thing. I agree with the direction your church is going. However, word of caution here ... being a relational church is well healthy. But ... spending time in solitude can be a healthy thing too. I agree, it's the whole balance thing. Even Jesus went away to be alone in community with His Father. And in following Jesus lead, we aught to spend time alone.
ReplyDeleteAnother word of caution though ...
We're not suppose to do life alone.
By the way, read my post ... you might get a chuckle out of what I read.
I'll quote what I wrote on my blog posting.
"We are Created for relationship and we are Created in His Image. Everything about that screams that our God is a relational God who is more after our hearts then He is with what we can do for Him."
Donner: I don't really think that it's about money in all or even most cases. We DO need other people. I just think that having made that discovery, a lot of churches err way too much in that direction instead of taking a more balanced approach.
ReplyDeleteSarah: I agree with much of what you said. But I think again, there is a danger in putting relationship so much on a pedestal that churches do not acknowledge that there can and most likely will be seasons of our lives that God chooses to deal with us through means other than relationships with other believers.
Anytime you take a way that God does work and turn it into the ONLY way that God works in your own mind, it becomes idolatry.
Unfortunately, very few churches seem to have a balanced approach. It seems to be one of the other extreme.
Balance is a pretty good word.
ReplyDeleteThe Bible does say that you're placed in the body for "that which every joint supplies..." .. so you're there for what you bring to the table, so to speak. But God also says he gifts each of us so we may play our part in the building up of the body, and in the bigger picture, that includes us, too.
So we relate to others in the church to build up the body, which includes our own edification.
Without balance, methinks we're missing out on abundance of life.
But the two biggest epiphanies of my life were just God & me. The first real one was sitting on the steps of a cabin, in a campground, with nobody else in sight or earshot. Just me & my Bible, studying, and God showed up. And the other was staring out the window of an airplane at 7,000 feet over the Grand Canyon.
It's all in the balance .. perhaps we're not saying two separate things. Solitude is important and it's valuable but people often times hurt in relationships will find healing in relationships. Yet, I know that healing comes in the solitude times, healing and refreshment ... it's good. Even Jesus himself took time to be alone and if Jesus set time aside we need to consider the importance of it. However, if we consider the amount of time Jesus spent alone, the amount of time he spent with the core 2 or 3 men, and then the amount of time he spent with the crowds we'll probably have a healthier perspective on the balance that we might want to consider. His time spent alone ... I mean completely alone with just Him and His father had been very little. He spent most of his time with the core 2 or 3 men and then spent a little less time with just the 12 disciples and but more time with his disciples then then with the crowd. It is interesting to note the rarity Jesus went off to be alone. Again .. It's the balance.
ReplyDeletePerhaps the other side of the coin to Relational Idolatry would be Emotional Dependency. The other side to the coin of narcissism would perhaps be Co dependency. It's a rarity to find one without the other. But the danger is ... with regards to defensive detachment. Most people will begin to spend more and more time alone because of their brokenness. They'll want to be alone, they'll begin to hate the human race and covet their alone time. It's because they're not pressing into relationship and communion.
We should want to spend more time in fellowship then time spent alone but that doesn't mean that alone time isn't important.
The question is ... what's the proper balance?